Do you remember the box office flop Final Fantasy: the Spirits Within?
Also, this is another Final Fantasy themed CGI that I hadn’t seen yet: Crisis Core.
As Cloud learns that he “is the evidence that [Zack] existed” he goes silent, and then screams. Is it his fear of losing his own identity, being a placeholder of Zack, or Zack’s dying wish for Cloud to take care of Aeris that leads his mind to deceive itself, and forget his true identity? Also, just to point out, in most RPG style games, especially Squaresoft-esque, if one member of the party still lives, a revival item can be used. Phoenix down?
Next comes the least interesting cinematic, at least, in terms of action, but crucial in substance. It’s called “The Dream” and shows a Zerg invasion force, ominously hanging in space with a lava-strewn planet backdropped. After many rattling insect groans, a shaman-looking figure appears in a flash, and is gone just as fast. Two things: Since when can the Zerg dream, being a centrally-controlled collection of organisms? and, Who’s dream was it?
Mission 4: Agent of the Swarm
Protect the chrysalis again, but this time, payoff. After ten minutes, the skin-folds peel back, geysers of blood rocket into the vacuous space-air on Char, and the butterfly emerges to spread its psi-emitting wings. Kerrigan. Yes, the aforementioned Kerrigan. She was swallowed by the horde outside Antiga Prime, but not devoured. Something like if Jonah were swallowed by the whale, travelled across the galaxy, and when spit out, was Professor Xavier with a tiger claws. Next task, backhand Lieutenant Jim Raynor for being a lech, and a civil servant, and probably the only one who cares about you.
Mission 5: Amerigo
This is another installation mission: limited number of units, one destination, lots of automated defenses. Kerrigan is looking for specs about her top-secret training. Science vessels, like the Amerigo, are much bigger inside than out, apparently.
The following CG cinematic is the Terran extermination crew, trying to secure and sterilize the Amerigo. Things go awry, meaning the Zerg eat brains a plenty, and the gun-toting dudes nuke the ship at the last second. Too bad for them that Kerrigan escapes.
Now that the first campaign is over, instead of taking orders from a bunch of political OPPORTUNISTS, I report directly to a giant, talking eyeball. Most important here: protect a chrysalis, so it may eventually metamorphose into a beautiful butterfly with fangs, or something. In the mean time, continue wiping out the Terran population on Tarsonis, their once capital world. I did. With twelve hydralisks (see image) and 24 zerglings, and I’m sure that if it were to actually happen some day, it would be positively frightening to watch the wave of insecty, reptiley aliens wash right over you and/or your city.
Mission 2: Egression
Nice play on words, yeah? Egress? Agression? Anyhow, protect the chrysalis again, wipe out some Protoss, prepare for warpspace, you’re moving across the galaxy, sorry we couldn’t warn you earlier, we just found out as well.
Mission 3: The New Dominion
Funny, you’re protecting the chrysalis again. However, you find out a new twist: the butterfly inside, much like the psi-emitter from the Terran campaign, draws Terran and Protoss alike to it. Even now that you’re on the planet Char. So, while you’re trying to save it, it’s just bringing more baddies your way. So anyhow, at the end of this mission I sent probably, like, six thousand mutalisks, flying zerglings that shoot balls of poisonous gak from their massive drooping ovipositor, essentially, against the forces of the ever punishable General Edmund Duke.
Why is this mission called “New Gettysburg”, I wondered. So, Wikipedia research it was. Because this is a battle-oriented game, I assumed the Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War was the right angle to take. According to Wiki, the Battle of Gettysburg caused the most fatalities in the American Civil War and was also considered a turning point for the Yankee forces. The battle ended the Confederate invasion of the North. Okay, Starcraft mode: the storyline tied to this mission is a turning point for the non-Korhal Terran forces (aptly called “the Confederacy”) because it quickly destroys their ability to be an aggressor. Also, at the destruction of the Protoss on the map, the Zerg base you protect swarms over your base and essentially everyone is consumed by the horde including your good friend Kerrigan. Cue the somber bugle.
After the battle is won, another CGI video plays. Initially, some radio communication between a squadron of starships is played, and this dialogue occurs:
“And then I says, ‘Answer that and stay fashionable.’”
“That’s not funny anymore.”
“Answer that and stay fashionable” is a quote from the show The Comic Strip Presents, and it is spoken by the lead member of the fake band Bad News after their bus breaks down and an obnoxious reporter is hassling them. Of course, this is where AFI got the name for their second album.
Mission 10: The Hammer Falls
The Ion Cannon
This is the final Terran mission and a serious pain in the ass, at that. I was hoping that I could beat this mission in one try, because I didn’t feel like dealing with it a second time around. General Edmund Duke has turned on the Sons of Korhal, as I hinted at; Raynor is livid with hate for the Sons of Korhal for the sacrifice of Kerrigan in the last mission; and you’re along for the whole tedious ride. You and Raynor want to escape the Terran occupied system, but you’ll be blown away if you don’t destroy Tarsonis’ last defense, the Ion Cannon. I took care of it in (only, ugh) 1h 38min.
Arcturus Mengsk, leader of the Korhal faction, is inaugurated as the ruler of all thing human, with fanfare and rising stock prices. Stock prices? Yes, during his public service announcement video, a stock ticker scrolls across the bottom of the screen. I find it sort of quirky that the Starcraft designers would make the Terran economy (one that was originally a mass collection of prisoners from Earth) a market-based capitalism. Well, even Australia is a parliamentary democracy with a market economy, and you know how that all started.
I have a break in my notes . . . I guess I didn’t feel like remembering anything about the next two missions. Flying by the seat of my space pants, then.
Mission 6: Norad II
The Norad II is the name of the space cruiser the General Edmund Duke patters about in. It (the Norad) happens to be massive, he (Duke) happens to be cocky, therefore they (Norad & Duke) happen to crash land on a Zerg infested colony. Mission: save Duke’s miserable self and make him your friend . . . I’d have trouble trusting a relationship bonded under such circumstances, so let me place a much needed ‘ahem’.
Mission 7: The Trump Card
This is where the Sons of Korhal start showing you their infamy. Your psy-chick friend Kerrigan is to lead a force and bring a “psi-emitter” to a rival, human base. Turns out, the psi-emitter beckons for hordes of Zerg to practically gallop across the galaxy and lay waste to mostly everything. This one must have slipped past the ethics committee. I like spelling the word “committee”, by the way.
Mission 8: The Big Push
This is a slow, tedious mission; I just needed to strap in and get ready for a long siege. It was pretty fun, however, after destroying the first base, to move in and siege with a massive force and get the AI all worked up and then – BAM – pincer attack, fools! Heavenly clockwork, or maybe “Repent, Harlequin!” P.S.: Edmund Duke does the dirty work against his former allies. Atta boy.
Before the third mission for the Terran campaign a CGI video plays, one that I had forgotten about but shouldn’t have, in which two hicks, one who looks and speaks (overweight, close-cropped hair, bad teeth; really long vowels in the middle of words) just like the maintenance manager for my apartment building, are eaten by a pack of aliens in the desert. Poetic justice or high-falutin social-criticism disguised as knee-jerk humor?
Mission 3: Desperate Alliance
Goal: survive 30 minutes. Intended result: the Sons of Korhal, a group of extremist, militant Terrans will bail you out before the surface of the planet is populated by the lizard-like Zerg and the mysterious, angelic (kinda) Protoss appear and blow the damn-thing up anyway. Cooperating with the Sons of Korhal, in the context of the game, is the equivalent of Florida tag-teaming with Hezbollah to cut a canal across the state’s northern border and secede.
Mission 4: The Jacobs Installation
This is the film Pirates of Silicon Valley but with teleporters. Labyrinthine government complex, check. Caged animals for biological testing, check. Industrial espionage, check. Useless civilian deaths, double check. Mission accomplished, check.
Mission 5: Revolution
The Cheese Stands Alone
This is the backside of a glove; way to go . . . you’ve now declared open war on the militarized government. The picture mostly explains it.
This video (which is actually old news to a large number of people) made me take back a boast I’ve been spouting for the last year and a half: that, naw, I don’t really have time for video games anymore, with school ‘n all, ya’ know. I salivated. I squirmed. I asked Paul to loan me the original Starcraft and itched until I picked it up.
So, yes, I’ve been playing a bit of Starcraft lately. But I thought it would be a swell idea to ruminate on the game for once, to provide some commentary about the first video game I’ve played in 18 months, to approach one of the most popular real-time strategy titles from a new perspective. Caesar wrote De Bello Gallico to recount his trials while at war in Gaul, spreading that information to the populi Romani; and in like form, this is my campaign ledger.
Episode 1: Terran
Tutorial: Bootcamp
I didn’t think that I would need to bother with the tutorial, but I pressed the ‘Start Mission’ button anyhow – it turns out I was right – I picked up the key configuration in no time. The biggest challenge was getting used to playing with a trackball mouse, my thumb actually started to get sore, although it got better once I shined up the ball to make it stick less. A little bit. This “mission” being ridiculously easy, as it is supposed to be, I traveled around the map and killed everything, and the mission probably took ten minutes longer than it needed to. Oh well.
Mission 1: Wasteland
In Wasteland, you meet the rural, unshaven sheriff Jim Raynor and are charged to build a barracks and, in turn, train 10 marines. I thought that was far too easy, such a pedestrian implementation of mission criterias. So I slew all of the zerglings* that I could find, started a second base, plundered and hoarded. By the time my 10th marine was belatedly trained, my developmental real-estate company had built 23 supply depots. The so-called wasteland became a bustling, productive exurb, and a Wal-Mart and Korean War memorial were being bounced around at city council. Score: zerglings=675, me=9587.
Mission 2: Backwater Station
This is the mission where Jim Raynor needs to clear out a colony of Zerg and rescue a human command center (too bad, it’s infected). You are allowed to research at the Academy building for the first time, notably the the “Stim-Pack” upgrade for your marine infantry units. By using the Stim-Pack, the infantry’s speed of attack an power is boosted with a small penalty to health. Academy. Stim-Pack. Academy. Physical performance boost. These soldiers are clearly smoking crystal meth.
Stumble It!