Bail Out!

I’ve jumped ships folks.  I’m now blogging at No New Thing with my friend/nemesis Karl.  Do come visit.

Early February’s Failed-Ass-Grabbing-Ponzi-Scheme Economic Stimulus Forum

Slog has it right on the money: Minnesota is the “Land of 10,000 weirdos”.

A self-described “vampyre” and former fringe political candidate faces charges for threatening a teenage girl who tried to break off their relationship by telling him she was actually a vampire hunter.

Not to mention the guy who groped over a dozen University of Minnesota students, reportedly grabbing genitals abound.  As far as tactics go, how does one grab a woman’s genitals – from behind – on a bike? in a manner that would please the pervert? especially if you need to squeeze-the-goods-and-go before the collegiate swings her 45 pound Timbuk2 bag and crushes your skull with her psychology textbook?

Nighttime Exposures

Amanda has started up a new blog that will be a vehicle to share her insane dreams with the rest of the world.  It’s called Nighttime Exposures, and you can read it here.  Eventually, once she has her lomography camera up and running, she’ll be posting some of her snapshots.  Her blog will quickly outpace my own, in terms of readership, I’m sure, within a few days.

An Honorary Title, of Sorts

Amanda, half-awake, to me:  “You’re like the lead guy of sore butts.”

More Trees

The names of two more giant California redwoods mentioned in Richard Preston’s The Wild Trees: Elwing and Eärendil.  Who do these trees draw their namesake from?  More Tolkien of course.  Elwing is elvish and Eärendil is human, both are the parents of the helpful, benevolent leader of Rivendell, Elrond.  Yes, the Elrond played recently by Hugo Weaving in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings film trilogy.  Here are some of Weaving’s other roles:

• A nameless thug in Sky Pirates (1986)
• The voice of Rex the Sheepdog in pig-thriller Babe (1995)
• A one-episode cameo in a series called Naked: Stories of Men (1996)
• Agent Smith in the Matrix trilogy
• Antihero V in V for Vendetta (2005)
• Holyshitthevoiceof MEGATRON in Transformers (2007)

Who is another bi-racial political leader who has a distinguished education and toils against evil?

Now let me be clear . . . Mordor is that way folks!

I’d like to mention a few similarities and differences between the two very capable politicians.

• The name “Barack” roughly means “blessing” while the name “Elrond” means either “Vault of Stars” or “Elf of the Cave”
• Barack Obama was 47 when confirmed as the first African-American President-Elect; Elrond left Middle-Earth at approximately age 6,520
• Barack Obama has two daughters; Elrond has two sons and one daughter, Arwen*
• Barack Obama was born on an island whereas Elrond was born near a river delta
• Barack Obama can make small objects levitate with his mind; Elrond is immortal

* Please note: Arwen’s love-interest in Aragorn is mottled by far-removed incest.

This Time Last Year

Last year at New Year’s, Amanda and I holed up and attempted to watch the Times Square Ball Drop on YouTube.  At the final strokes of the year 2007, we clicked a video like this one and totally missed the new year.  Oops.

We will ignore the ball this year.

Abortion Puppies

Last night I dreamt that Amanda and I were holding off two serial killers, both of whom happened to be holed up in my bathroom, from killing us.  One was a super creepy I-eat-available-dog-parts type killer, and the other was more the brutal meat head, probably the type who would bash their ex-girlfriend’s new boy-toy’s head in with a greasy shock-absorber.  Well, they both bust out with guns and Amanda and I are hiding behind the wall that sort of divides my living room from my kitchen.  We defend admirably.  I take the right side, and as meat head jumps out I throw my weapon, a fork, at him.  It sticks straight into his neck and he falls like a tipped-cow.  As he is struggling on the floor, I grab a scissors . . . while I push his head into my wood floor I begin cutting his t-shirt up the back.  The t-shirt is rose-pink in color and seems to be a tour-shirt for a band, inadvertantly, who has ripped off Metallica’s logo and called them selves the Abortion Puppies.  As I cut the last two inches of the garment he suddenly dies, and Amanda walks up and asks how I did with my serial killer.  Apparently, she whipped the snot our of hers, as I would expect.

Good Seeds

While working at the register at Barnes & Noble today, I met Nick Cave.  No, not that one.  He just happened to be named Nick Cave, and also from Australia.  Also, he reassured me that Cave is not a typical last name in any part of Australia.  He did, however, boast that he talked his way out of a $450  phone bill by pretending he was Nick Cave, which he is.